William Patrick Hogan

From When Kansas Was Young, pages 258 - 261.
When Bill Backslid
by Thomas Allen McNeal

Among the cowboys who ranged from Dodge City to the Panhandle of Texas was one whose baptismal name as I recall was William Patrick Hogan. But on account of an adventure he had had with a prairie rattler, which, according to William and his contemporaries, would have resulted in his premature demise if it had not been for the prompt administration of snakebite remedy in copious quantities, he was generally known on the range as "Rattlesnake Bill."
If the modern descriptive adjective, "hard boiled," had been invented at that time, it would have fitted "Rattlesnake Bill" to a dot. When he was "lit up," as the slangful phrase had it, he was something of a holy terror, and even when sober was not particularly averse to trouble, either with gun or fist or quirt, although it should be said to his credit that he never craved the reputation of being a "gunman." His natural inclination, after the manner of his race, was to settle arguments with the two hands furnished by nature, and if he had lived in the land and time of his forebears he would have been a leader with the blackthorn and engaged joyously in breaking the heads of his opponents.
It must be confessed here that religion did not have much of a foothold on the range. A preacher was likely to be looked upon by the herders as rather an effeminate individual, who might do all right to talk to women's aid societies, but who lacked the virility admired by the men who rode through the silent watches of the night, or at breakneck speed through the storm with the stampeded herd, risking death every moment. It was, therefore, an amazing thing when "Rattlesnake Bill" happened to come under the spell of a traveling evangelist and became a humble suppliant at the mercy seat.
And it should be said for Bill that he took his religion seriously. He felt that he ought to do something to make up for the years he had wasted in the service of Satan while ambling down the broad road which led to destruction. It occurred to him that he might and should become a living example of the power of grace, and show to the unregenerate cowboys that he could demonstrate the long suffering patience of the Nazarene.
The other herders were, therefore, considerably surprised when they learned that "Rattlesnake Bill" had not only got religion, but that on a certain evening he proposed to make a talk to his unregenerate fellow cowpunchers and show them that he had so completely changed that they could heap upon him any indignity without causing anger or resentment on his part. The herders discussed the matter among themselves with varying opinions. Some of them said that they believed Bill was really in earnest, while others contended that he must have been eating loco and had bats in his garret as a result. It was generally conceded, however, that it would be a good idea to go and hear what Bill had to say and likewise to give him a tryout. So it happened that there was a rather large and interested crowd present on the evening when the new convert proposed to give an exhibition of the genuineness of his conversion.
His opening statement was somewhat crude but easily understood. In substance he said: "You range riders and mule skinners hev knowed me for several years. You all know that I never took no stock in no kind of religion and if there was any kind of general ornery- ness that I hain't indulged in I can't call it to mind, and at that I ain't no worse than a lot of you geezers. What I'm aimin' at is to show you birds that a man who is genuinely converted can stand the gaff and not let his temper rise. Now I propose to demonstrate to you unregenerate cusses that you can heap any sort of insults and abuse on me and I won't resent it. Go to it."
They took him at his word. Some of them, indeed, had come prepared to make it interesting for Bill if he really meant it. "Arkansas Pete," who had suffered at the hands of "Rattlesnake Bill" in a fistic argument, saw an opportunity to play even and landed a kick on Bill's person that almost made his teeth rattle. For an instant there was a dangerous expression on Bill's countenance, but he made no attempt to resent the indignity. "Texas Sam" took from his cheek a well- chewed quid of longgreen tobacco and snapped it against the bronzed cheek of the amateur evangelist and demonstrator of Christian forbearance. "Sour Dough Jake," the cook, who had been the butt of a good many jibes from Bill in his unregenerate days, plastered his head with a batch of spoiled dough, and "Bitter Creek Slim" tried him out with a vigorous application of the quirt on an unprotected part of his person.
"Rattlesnake Bill" winced a trifle under the punishment, but made no complaint and gave no indication of anger. It was at this point that Ike Timberlake, from the Brazos country, commonly known on the ranges as "Alkali Ike," took from his side pocket a turkey egg in an advanced state of decomposition and, with well- directed aim, hurled it at Bill's head. The new convert was just opening his mouth to assure the audience he was unmoved by their treatment, when the wild turkey egg of advanced age and powerful vintage hit him fair and square in the face. It broke with a loud sound and a considerable part of the contents of the shell went between his teeth.
He gagged, spat out the putrid egg with great promptness and considerable violence, wiped the loud smelling mess from his countenance, and then made the following announcement, as he shed his coat preparatory to going into action: "Gents, I don't intend to give up permanently this here Christian life, but there will be an adjournment for fifteen minutes of this here exhibition of long-sufferin' meekness and patience while I whip the low-down, measly, sheep- stealin' son of a coyote who throwed that turkey egg."
Those who witnessed the fight declared that "Rattlesnake Bill" was never in better form, and when the battle ended, "Alkali Ike" was a wreck, while "Arkansas Pete," "Texas Sam," "Sour Dough Jake" and "Bitter Creek Slim" had fled from the wrath to come.